Lil Xan is a complicated artist. On the hook to his hit song “Betrayed,” the California artist raps, “Xans don’t make you / Xans gon’ take you / Xans gon’ fake you / And Xans gon’ betray you,” but has also admitted to being on the drug when creating the song. In a new interview, MTV’s Push artist for the month of May opened up about his battle with addiction.
“If you were following me since the beginning, you see my journey,” Xan said. “From when I was struggling with addiction to “Hit My Line” all the way through “Betrayed,” you followed me on the journey to that better place.”
Xan goes on to detail the story of how he became addicted to the medication.
“I got anxiety in April of 2014,” the Total Xanarchy artist continued. “I was hospitalized for two weeks and they didn’t know what was wrong with me, and at the end they gave me a low dosage of Xanax. Before the whole anti-Xanax message in what I do, I was actually pro-Xanax culture.”
Thankfully, Xan ends his interview on a positive note as he discusses the underlying message of his music.
“Performing is the one time I don’t have anxiety, surprisingly right?” Xan concludes. “People are like, ‘How do you perform in front of thousands of people?’ I don’t know if it’s the adrenaline that kicks in or something, but it’s really the only time I’m at peace… I want everybody to know they’re not alone. That’s why I do this.”
Watch Lil Xan perform his Diplo collaboration “Color Blind” below, then watch him break down why it is one of his favorite songs.