As you’ve no doubt heard by now, Kylie Jenner is pregnant with her first child.
Or is that just what the lame-stream media wants you to believe?
Strap on your tinfoil hat, cue the X-Files theme music, and pop some of those herbal boner pills Alex Jones sells on his show, because it’s loony conspiracy theory time, folks!
Kylie has yet to confirm that she’s pregnant, but the consensus among fans has been that she’s simply waiting for the right time in order to ensure maximum publicity.
(She is Kris Jenner’s daughter, after all.)
But what if there’s a much simpler explanation?
What if Kylie hasn’t confirmed that she’s pregnant because she’s not actually pregnant?
We know. Your head is reeling, just like the first someone told you that Ted Cruz is both the Zodiac Killer and Lee Harvey Oswald, but hear us out.
We’d like to begin by presenting to you Exhibit A:
Kylie posted the above photo on Snapchat, with a caption that reads simply, “GIRLS TRIP!”
It seems innocent enough–until you realize that the girls are headed straight to the town of Fake Pregnancysburg in the state of Scandals-vania!
Please, look closely at the sundry snacks and assorted foodstuffs that Kylie and her compatriots are purchasing for their trip.
We’ll just be over here pausing menacingly with our hands clasped behind our backs like Law & Order prosecutors.
Notice anything unusual in the upper-right corner, near the Black and Mild flavored cigarillos?
That’s right–tampons, an item that’s generally not purchased by pregnant women!
Add that to the fact that Kylie wants us to believe she hasn’t gained an ounce in the past two months, and we think you’ll that agree there’s sufficient evidence that the young Ms. Jenner is not with child.
You might be saying to yourself, “But she clearly stated she’s taking a trip with a group of her girlfriends. Maybe the tampons are for someone else.”
Or maybe you’re thinking, “Well, or course Kylie doesn’t want to admit to gaining any weight. She is a member of the Kardashian-Jenner clan, after all.”
And maybe you have a point, skeptical hypothetical reader.
But we say to you this:
What’s more fun to believe: that Kylie is actually pregnant and just keeping an uncharacteristically low profile, or that this whole thing is an elaborate charade that’s soon to blow up in Kris Jenner’s face and bring the entire Kardashian empire crumbling down?
We’re following the first rule of celebrity gossip here, folks:
Drama is always more important than facts.
And with that, we rest our case.