Remember when we thought the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard had been settled, and both sides would be able to move on with their lives?
Yes, it was a simpler time, when the world occasionally made sense, and Donald Trump was just a ex-reality show host with delusions of grandeur.
Looking back now, we realize what fools we were.
As you may recall, Depp and Heard reached a deal back in August.
Both parties agreed to the terms, and it seemed that one of the ugliest celebrity divorces in recent memory had finally come to an end.
Then, Amber announced plans to donate her settlement to charity.
It sounds like an innocuous enough plan, but her decision set off a new round of legal wrangling that shows no signs of letting up.
Many saw Heard’s public declaration of philanthropic intentions as a bald-faced PR stunt.
Depp’s team attempted to maneuver around it by offering to donate the cash directly to charity.
Heard’s people saw this is as an attempt to make Depp look like the good guy and score a nice tax write-off in the process.
For reasons that remain unclear, Heard went on to demand twice as much money as a result of Depp’s attempt to give to the charities directly, thus bringing her total settlement to $14 million.
It’s tough to say who’s right and who’s wrong, but either way, the real victim here … is the children.
No, but seriously, almost five months after the deal was reached the charities have only received one payment, because the issue has been tied up in court for the majority of that time.
Now, Team Depp is claiming that this whole situation is the result of Heard’s desperation to stay in the spotlight.
(“The spotlight” here meaning the tabloid headlines.)
Depp’s attorney, Laura Wasser, described Heard’s behavior as “a blatant attempt to extend her fifteen minutes of fame” and “an embarrassing grab for additional and unwarranted attorney’s fees.”
Harsh words, but there’s a reason TMZ calls Wasser “the disso queen.”
The reason is that Harvey Levin sucks at coming up with nicknames.
We like you, Harvey, and we hear you make a mean blueberry smoothie, but seriously, take that one back to the lab, homey.