It is not uncommon for me to hear about students/singles that get in controlling relationships. It seems that the guys are usually the controllers, but I’m sure there are exceptions. What do I mean by “controlling?” I’m talking about a boyfriend (or girlfriend) that is overly jealous and tries to limit your interactions with others. Here are some examples:
*Getting upset if you even greet the opposite sex.
*Trying to keep you from spending time with your friends (even same-sex friends).
*Constantly accusing you of cheating (even when there is no evidence or history of cheating).
*Demanding to know where you are at all times.
If any of these things are happening in your current relationship, you are in big trouble.
Let me explain why controllers should be avoided at all cost:
First and foremost, controllers are very insecure people. A controller thinks the only way to have you is to keep you away from others. This is the controller’s problem, and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. Tolerating this behavior will only perpetuate it.
Secondly, you will never earn a controller’s trust. If there is no trust, you can’t have a good relationship–period. In a healthy relationship, trust deepens and builds over time. It doesn’t work this way with a controller. He/she will never trust you, so the relationship is doomed.
Thirdly, controlling relationships are not likely to improve. Please don’t tell yourself that he can change. In fact, things are likely to get worse over time, possibly escalating to physical abuse.
Fourthly, controllers will keep you from enjoying single life. We singles should be able to enjoy the privileges of our single status. You should be able to hang out with your friends, try new things, explore new hobbies, travel, or whatever else you dream of doing. Why would you give all of this up for the slavery of an insecure, miserable relationship? Romantic relationships should enhance our enjoyment of life, not take away from it.
Finally, controlling relationships are a form of idolatry. Obsession with another person removes God from His rightful place in our lives. When this happens, everything else will be out of balance. You can’t expect God to bless a relationship in which He is not the center.
No healthy person would accept a controlling type relationship. If I couldn’t trust a woman I would simply break up with her–I would not spend all of my time trying to make sure she’s faithful. If she really wanted to be with someone else, I’d let her go–better to know now before we get really serious.
If you have a controlling boyfriend/girlfriend, I would advise you to get out of this relationship immediately!