may look happy outside, but deep down inside, she has kept a secret about her struggle in battling post-natal depression. The former Sports Illustrated swimsuit model wrote an essay for April issue of magazine, in which she revealed that she developed postpartum depression after giving birth to her daughter Luna last April.

She took to Instagram to share the essay she wrote on Tuesday, March 7. She wrote in the caption that the depression was eating her up “inside for months and months.” She continued, “I’ve always felt genuinely close to all of you and I’m insanely relieved you now know something that has been such a huge part of me for so long.”

In the essay, she confessed that she was “freaking thrilled” when the magazine first told her about her going to be on its cover. She opened the article by sharing her up and down moments with her husband as well as the moments when they welcomed their daughter Luna in April. She later revealed that she faced several difficulties after returning to work as a co-host on “”.

“But I was different than before. Getting out of bed to get to set on time was painful. My lower back throbbed; my shoulders-even my wrists-hurt. I didn’t have an appetite,” she wrote. She added, “I would go two days without a bite of food, and you know how big of a deal food is for me. One thing that really got me was just how short I was with people.”

As she couldn’t figure out why she was so “unhappy,” she blamed it on “being tired and probably growing out of the role.” She wrote, “Maybe I’m just not as goofy person anymore. Maybe I’m just supposed to be a mom.” Her depression prompted her to keep staying in the house. She explained, “Not even a tiptoe outside…I had every shade closed.” The model added that she “couldn’t muster up the energy to make it upstairs for bed.”

Her husband remained supportive for her during her slump as she wrote, “John would sleep on the couch with me, sometimes four nights in a row. I started keeping robes and comfy clothes in the pantry so I wouldn’t have to go upstairs when John went to work.” She confessed that “there was lot of spontaneous crying.”

When she started to feel a massive amount of pain, she went to doctors. She wrote, “John sat next to me. I looked at my doctor, and my eyes welled up because I was so tired of being in pain. Of sleeping on the couch. Of waking up throughout the night. Of throwing up. Of taking things out on the wrong people. Of not enjoying life. Of not seeing my friends. Of not having the energy to take my baby for a stroll.”

She finally got enlightened of what exactly happened to her. She continued in her essay, “My doctor pulled out a book and started listing symptoms. And I was like, ‘Yep, yep, yep.’ I got my diagnosis: postpartum depression and anxiety. (The anxiety explains some of my physical symptoms.)”

Chrissy is currently receiving treatment for her PPD. However, she stated that she still had “really good days and bad days.” She explained, “There are weeks when I still don’t leave the house for days; then I’m randomly at the Super Bowl or Grammys. (This is cringeworthily unrelatable, and I am very aware of that-it’s giving me anxiety.)”

She added, “Physically, I still don’t have energy for a lot of things, but a lot of new moms deal with this. Just crawling around with Luna can be hard. My back pain has gotten better, but my hands and wrists still hurt. And it can still be tough for me to stomach food some days. But I’m dealing.”


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